After your spouse dies, there isn’t any steadfast rule about when you can or should start dating. This is decision you have to make on your own and there will be several factors you need to consider. You want to make sure you have healed before you do jump into the dating game and you will know when that time has arrived.
Dating And Technology
Depending on how old you are and how long it has been since you were on the dating scene, you may find the dating scene to be different. Today it is common for men and women to meet via an online service. There are several dating sights with their own niche as well as basic, common dating websites. You can use them for help to find a person that you have things in common with. Not just your basic ethnicity, race, religion but your hobbies, interests and more. You need to be reasonable with your expectations and take your time in finding the right person.
Many clients on these dating sites will practice their dating skills and start by flirting via email or online chat rooms. And many of us aren’t comfortable with online dating, so you may need to resort to the old fashion way. Let your extended family and friends know that you are ready to get back on the dating scene, join singles class at church and look at people you network with through work differently.
Dealing With The Kids
When there are children involved, dating after a spouse dies can have a whole other level of concern, with the biggest one being that they aren’t ready for mom to start dating. Depending on their age and level of maturity will depend on how you handle the situation. Adult children that balk at the idea of mom dating simply need to be reminded that this is a decision you have made for you. Remind them you are an adult and know the precautions and safety measures to take. For the teenagers and younger children, let your prospective date know upfront that you are unattached or widowed but you do have children and they will come first. Then make sure you convey that to your children as well. They need to know that mom hasn’t shuffled them aside for this new chapter in her life.
Considerations of Widowhood
Just because your spouse has passed away doesn’t mean you don’t love them anymore. In fact, as the negative parts of your relationship fade from your memory, that love will grow. With that being said, it isn’t uncommon for guilt to surface when you begin to look at others for companionship. As such, it will be easy for that guilt to take over if you kids put ideas in your mind. Allow yourself to find a new love – it is perfectly normal to still love your deceased spouse and a new person too, and this you will need to explain to your children. Let them know that their dad will always be a part of you but you owe it to yourself to open this new chapter.
No matter what age you are, dating after the death of your spouse can make you vulnerable. Unfortunately, there is always somebody that will take any advantage they can of somebody’s situation, emotionally and financially.