After The Divorce and You’re Ready To Date

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After The Divorce

It may not seem like right now if you’ve just recently divorced, but eventually you will be ready to resume an outside life, like dating. And while it may seem strange to you and be somewhat uncomfortable, it is one of the most difficult situations your kids will have to deal with.

When a divorced mom rushes into dating, a child feels as if his world is being threatened. They often see the dates as a competitor for their mom’s attention and love and are quick to reject them. They usually have some fantasy that mom and dad will reconcile and their family will be back together. And when you do start dating, be aware of looking at each date as a possible spouse that will help you rebuild your family.

Socialize In The Kid’s World
To get started back on the social scene, start by socializing with your children. This eases any pressure of meeting other people because when you are with your children, you have that avenue to focus on.

Getting active socially again is an important step for you. It will allow you some time away from being dual-parents. And it gives you and your children a breather from each other as well.

A Few Dos and A Few Don’ts
• When you have a new friend, meet them somewhere away from your home for the first few dates
• When you introduce dates to the kids, introduce them as a friend to lessen the possible resentment.
• Minimize the number of dates you have come over to meet the children.
• If you have shared custody with your ex, use it to your advantage for dating without the kids being aware.
• Start locking the door to your bedroom for privacy as a practice to when you may have an overnight date.
• Be selective with the dates you bring around your children and extended family.
• When you’re going out of town on a date, be sure to advise your ex-spouse as responsible co-parenting.

Be Prepared
There is a pretty good chance your kids will try to sabotage any date you have. They may make rude comments, act obnoxious or they forget to give you a phone message. Sit down and talk with your children and let them know that while you understand how they feel, you cannot tolerate this type of behavior.

When it comes to having a sex life, remember that kids are normally uncomfortable with knowing that their parents’ have sex, so be considerate of this. There is no need to let them know when you and your date are having sex. Respect you child’s feeling and arrange to go back to his place, take a room or go out of town. If they should question this part of your relationship, be as honest and open as you feel is appropriate and you’re comfortable doing.

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